Diligent Procurement Employee Denies Requests to Save Money in Order to Save Strategic Partnerships
SAN JOSE, CA – Global Strategic Sourcing Department employee (formerly known as the Purchasing Department), David Mercado, successfully upheld the department’s vision when he denied employee requests to save money in order to preserve partnerships with key vendors. Recently, several employees attempted to purchase office supplies from a local store that were allegedly half the cost of supplies listed in the company catalog from approved vendors.
“Not on my watch,” said Mercado. “You buy online or pay on your own dime.”
Mercado was referring to the company policy that requires employees to use an online application to order office supplies. The application requires users to log on, search for supplies, search approved vendors, complete 8 separate screens prior to checkout, and then wait 6-8 weeks as items are shipped from China.
“I don’t know what the fuss is about,” Mercado said. “It’s by far the easiest Oracle application I’ve ever used.”
“Jesus Christ, I just wanted some sticky notes,” said Justin Figueroa, a marketing analyst. “Last month I offered to fly in the cargo hull of Frontier Airlines on a folding chair so I could get a direct flight to Seattle. I was told they weren’t a strategic partner. I now have to fly on Southwest for twice the cost and make 5 connections.”
“It’s employees like David Mercado that are saving this company from complete chaos,” said Mercado’s boss, Vice President Susan Murphy. “We can’t have employees making their own purchasing decisions. We have approved vendors for a reason. We achieve economies of scale and can negotiate better deals.”
When asked how much the company was saving through its strategic partnerships, Murphy responded, “Millions. Well, I’m sure it’s millions. We don’t actually do any sort of cost-benefit analysis, but I assure you it’s a lot of money. Like, a whole bunch of money.”