Employee Achieves a Record 32 Professional Certifications; Manages to Mention It in Every Conversation

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Employee Achieves a Record 32 Professional Certifications; Manages to Mention It in Every Conversation

Carmela Henderson achieved a new company record for most professional certifications when she received her 32nd certificate this past week, beating the previous company record of 10. Henderson has garnered popular designations, like Six Sigma Green Belt, Project Management Professional, and ITIL, as well as more technical certifications such as CCIE, MCSE, and SMS. More amazingly, she has successfully managed to weave this fact into every single conversation she has.

 

“I made the mistake of asking her a question about creating a macro in an Excel spreadsheet,” said one of her colleagues. “Holy shit, I wasn’t prepared for the 45-minute lecture on what it takes to become a Microsoft Certified Solutions Expert. She never even opened the application. I’m not sure she even knows how to open MS Office.”

 

Henderson neatly displays all 32 certifications in oversized, cherry oak frames around her office.

 

“She’s wallpapered her office with her achievements. She even has some in standing frames on her desk facing you if you sit across from her,” said one of her team members. “I swear, I’ve been in her office and she’ll slowly sink down behind the certificate so you have to look at the damn thing to maintain eye contact.”

 

Henderson, however, disagrees with her co-workers.

 

“There’s an old saying in HR, which I learned when I received my PHR, that the only person responsible for your career development is you. I’m just trying to continually develop myself,” she told us. “Honestly, I don’t even know what some of the acronyms on my certificates stand for. I’m just really good at taking tests.”

“Sadly, I don’t even know what she does and I’m her manager,” said Raj Patel. “I haven’t really seen her much over the past 2 years. She comes in long enough to submit a training request and then she’s out for a few weeks. I hate myself for approving her requests, but at least no one has to listen to her while she’s out getting another cert.”

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Written by Jay

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