Spin the Bottle’ Team Building Exercise Goes Horribly Wrong, Ugly Employee Sues for Skipped Turn
Omaplata Services, Inc. came under fire today when one of its employees filed suit against the company for ‘facial’ discrimination. According to the filing, Dwayne Moss, the plaintiff, accused co-workers of refusing to give him a turn in a game of Spin the Bottle because he is ‘butt-ugly.’ The game was initiated as part of a team building activity.
“In retrospect, it seems fairly obvious this wouldn’t work out,” said Brian Shaw, Director of Operations for Omaplata. “But what choice did we have? I mean, HR and Risk Management already banned every other fun team building activity we used to do. Go Karting? Can’t do. Paintball? Forget it. Somebody had a panic attack in an Escape Room and now that’s off limits too.”
To clarify, the team building activity wasn’t Shaw’s idea.
“I was a little skeptical when one of my managers brought it up during a brainstorming session. It was a little odd how everyone quickly jumped on board and was eager to try it as soon as possible,” Shaw added. “It wasn’t until later that I realized nearly everyone on my team was already hooking up with each other. I had no idea our team building would turn into a work-wife swapping swinger party.”
“I knew everyone was shacking up around here,” said Moss. “One of the IT guys came up with an app for employees to use. It was the office version of Tinder. With such a limited pool of participants, you can only swipe right so many times.”
While office hookups were usually limited to after work or extended lunch hours, the real trouble began during the team building exercise.
“Most people didn’t even wait for the bottle to stop spinning before going at it,” said Terrence Johnson, an employee present during the event. “The conference room quickly resembled a scene from Caligula and Dwayne kept shouting, ‘I’m next, I’m next!’ You would think he would get the hint.”
“People started saying some derogatory things about my appearance,” Moss added. “I know I’m no looker, but you don’t get a choice in spin the bottle. It’s like family members or STDs; you get what you get and there’s no opting out. This is complete discrimination.”
Attorneys for Omaplata declined to comment on the pending lawsuit. No trial date is set.
“I think we all learned some valuable lessons from this,” Shaw said. “First, I now understand why my employee engagement scores were so high. More importantly, I’m going to use a lot more hand sanitizer anytime I touch something around here.”