Harvard University Adds More Corporate Certifications So Everyone Can Say They Went to Harvard
LINCOLN, NE – Harvard University of Harvard, Nebraska, often confused with its Ivy League namesake from Massachusetts, is now the latest college to offer certifications to busy working professionals. These certifications, which range from FinTech for Multi-Level Marketing Companies to Programming in Pascal for a Post-Apocalyptic Shutdown, are offered online at a self-paced schedule over 6-8 weeks.
“We’re very excited about all our new certification programs,” said Landon Howard, Chief Administrator of Non-Degree Programs at Harvard. “We have an ever expanding portfolio. Anyone who wants to advance their career should consider a certificate program from Harvard.”
“I slap the certification icon right above my degree from University of Phoenix on my LinkedIn profile and hot damn, I’m a Harvard grad,” said Edgar Tobias, a recent graduate of the course, Managing Diversity in Solo Teams. “I then check out the salary calculator on Glassdoor and see that I should now be making at least $30K more than what I make right now. Time for my boss to pay up.”
Howard was quick to point out that Harvard University does not guarantee an immediate increase in salary or promotions.
“Our courses will help prepare you for the next step in your career. Each course is reasonably priced, because we know the only thing more important than the name of the school on the certificate is how much you or your employer has to pay for it,” said Howard.
“Four-year degrees are overrated,” said Monica Allen, currently employed as a barista in downtown Indianapolis. “Once I finish the Social Media Feline Marketing course, I’ll be a Harvard grad worth six figures.”
Currently, Harvard University of Harvard, Nebraska is in a legal battle with Harvard University over its logo, which officials in Cambridge, Massachusetts claim the resemblance is too close and confuses students and employers.
“Of course the emblems look similar. Why wouldn’t they? We’re just like the other Harvard University,” said Howard. “We offer a good, quality education and we discriminate against Asians just like they do.”