Microsoft Glitch Causes PowerPoint to Shutdown, 80% of Fortune 500 Descend into Chaos
SEATTLE, WA – A brief outage in the Microsoft Office application, PowerPoint, crippled most large companies and nearly destroyed the US economy earlier today. It is still unclear if the glitch was caused by hackers or was an act of terrorism.
In New York, consulting firms were the first to go under.
“All of a sudden the presentation screen went blank,” said former consultant Alan Westly. “The clients stared at us and started to openly question the value we brought to the company. I just kept pointing to the empty screen until my business partner started using his hands to make animal shadows.”
Meanwhile, in San Jose, California, most of the buildings at the Cisco Systems, Inc. (CSCO) campus were burning to the ground.
“At one point, I noticed a few executives in the fetal position by the door of the conference room, sobbing uncontrollably. One of the vice presidents was hugging his knees to his chest, gently rocking back and forth. He was mumbling something over and over. It was sheer madness,” said operational analyst, Kumar Tevek.
“I’m a prepper so I was prepared for this moment. I have 5 pallets of water and a stockpile of ammunition in my shelter up in Modesto,” said Javier Rivera, a former software engineer. He wore a camouflage uniform and brandished an AR-15 assault rifle. “No more double-clicking, it’s now time for double tapping.”
In other parts of the country, reports of cannibalism and roving bands of marauders flooded local police stations. Local law enforcement was quickly overwhelmed and pleaded state governments to activate National Guard units. However, most military units sat idle while waiting for PowerPoint presentations from their commanders.
Microsoft’s Rapid Reaction Team worked tirelessly to resolve the issue and restore the application as Seattle suffered from a nuclear meltdown of two of its local power plants. Microsoft Satya Nadella announced that the company was still investigating the root cause but was relieved that the issue hadn’t lasted beyond 8 hours.