Employee Becomes Rocket Scientist so Coworkers Will Finally Have to Listen to Him
HOUSTON – Tom Stillwell, an employee of Weymax Industrial Services, grew tired of being ignored in meetings and decided to do something about it.
“It was impossible for me to get a word in during team meetings,” Stillwell complained. “It was like I wasn’t even there. One day, I realized why everyone treated me like one of the unknown Jenner kids trying to get a reality show. I only had a 4-year degree and everybody was hanging on every word of the few people in the room with their MBAs. Obviously, my credibility didn’t measure up. That’s when I decided to cash in in my 401k and go to grad school.”
Stillwell sacrificed most of his long-term savings and most of his evenings over the course of the next 3 years to earn his MBA. Unfortunately for Stilwell, his colleagues didn’t seem to notice. Stillwell wasn’t getting the airtime he thought he deserved.
“The day after I graduated, I go to a meeting and Dave from Accounting shows up as a recently ordained minister from the Universal Church of Life. He’s wearing full clergy gear in meetings. People are listening to him because he’s threatening to damn them if they don’t complete their action items,” Stillwell said. “How can I compete with that?”
Stillwell tried to get more attention by obtaining special certifications, like Scrum Master and Project Management Professional. However, things only got worse for Stillwell when his coworker Donna from the IT department returned from a medical mission trip in Tunisia.
“So now Donna is in surgical scrubs during the daily scrum meeting and offering to do outpatient surgery in the breakroom. I have real certifications. She’s not even a real doctor. Why are they listening to her?” Stillwell asked an empty room.
Six months later, Stillwell arrived to work in a dark blue NASA flight suit, fresh out of training.
“Wait a minute,” one of his peers said before their weekly staff meeting began. “Isn’t that the suit from the Mission Control kids’ summer camp? My daughter has one of those.”
“I hate all of you,” Stillwell said.
No one heard the comment as the meeting attendees had already turned their attention to the pair of millennials in the room that recently dropped out of college and were explaining how to use a new app.