Trucking Company Implements Swear Jar, Raises $3M in First Week
NEW YORK – Northeastern Trucking Company reported stronger than expected financial results during their quarterly earnings call earlier today. Their CFO, AJ Sua, credited the new company anti-profanity policy for boosting their results.
“Although the policy has only been in effect for one week, we’re already seeing fantastic returns,” Sua said during the call. “All employees are required to participate in a virtual swear jar. Every time they curse, we deduct an amount from their paycheck. Minor curse words cost a dollar, f-bombs cost 5 dollars, and personal insults can cost 10 dollars or more.”
However, Sua cautioned investors from expecting the same returns next quarter.
“I don’t think we’ll continue to see the same rate of return because, well, most of our employees are now broke. In fact, a large portion of the employees owe the company money,” Sua said. “Additionally, we are starting to see interesting behavior changes. Employees are no longer cussing. Instead, they speak in terms of how much they would lose if they said what they really wanted to.”
“What the five-dollar is wrong with management?” asked one employee who spoke to reporters but requested to remain anonymous. “I’d like to find the genius that came up with this idea and kick him in the two-dollars.”
“God dollar it,” another employee said. “If I find the twenty-dollar who came up this policy, I’m going to ram it so far up their Ben Franklin, they’ll be silver dollaring my knuckles for the next five-dollar week.”
“I realize the policy is not popular with employees,” Sua said in response to employee complaints. “But, holy dollar, we are making a Lincoln-load of money.”