HR Rep Aboard International Space Station Feels Totally Unappreciated
CAPE CANAVERAL – Last month, decorated astronaut Anne McClain was accused of identity theft while on board the International Space Station (ISS), committing the first recorded crime from space. In response, NASA took the bold step of including a Human Resources representative with every mission. However, most astronauts were not happy with the new addition.
“I’m getting ready for a spacewalk and the HR guy starts pestering me about due dates for turning in my succession planning,” said mission commander Mark Casselberry. “You know what the succession plan is if something happens to me? You better get your ass in the escape pod and get back down to earth, that’s the succession plan.”
For Human Resources Generalist, David Bratcher, the transition to the new work environment hasn’t been easy.
“I get it. I’m not an astronaut. I can’t help them repair satellites or run experiments,” said Bratcher. “But that’s no reason to refer to me as ‘space junk.’ My role in Human Resources is vital to helping these men and women complete their mission.”
Other members of the ISS disagreed. During the first few weeks of the 6-month mission, Bratcher has often found himself the victim of practical jokes.
“We had a little down time and some of the astronauts told me they were going to play 2001: Space Odyssey,” said Bratcher. “They suited me up and put me in the airlock. I asked why I was the only one out there and Commander Casselberry said he was going to play HAL. I really wish I had seen the movie beforehand.”
What followed was 6 hours of Bratcher pleading to be allowed to come back into the space station.
“I could hear them giggling behind the hatch,” Bratcher said. “I told them I wanted to come back in and someone kept saying, ‘I’m sorry, Dave, I’m afraid I can’t do that.'”
“I was going to blow him out of the airlock,” admitted cosmonaut Ivan Kuznetsov. “In Russia, we don’t have HR. You want performance review? You show up to work. If you still have job, then you did good last year.”
“I think the team is starting to warm up to me,” Bratcher said, 2 months into the mission. “The commander even gave me a critical operational role. He told me to find some solar panel wax. As soon as I find that, I’m sure they’ll see my value.”