BOSTON – Jimmy MacKinnon, a 10-year-old from Quincy, Massachusetts, just became the majority shareholder of General Electric (NYSE: GE) after winning the remaining shares at a local Little League fundraiser. Previously, the stock could be found on the penny markets after investors had dumped so much of the stock that it dropped off the S&P. At one point, the 120 year old company was the most valued company in the world before tumbling through every branch of the bad decision tree. Stock certificates were routinely found in bathroom stalls on the New York Stock Exchange when toilet paper ran low.
“I think it’s neat,” said MacKinnon. “I now have a company that makes trains. I love trains. I have a train set at home.”
MacKinnon was then informed that GE spun off GE Transportation in mid-2018.
“Are you kidding me? They still make light bulbs and, like, washing machines and stuff, right?” the 10-year-old asked.
The young man was then told that GE Lighting, reflagged as Current in 2015, was sold to American Industrial Partners earlier this year while GE Appliances was sold to Chinese manufacturer, Haier, in 2016.
“Oh, that’s bullcrap!” he shouted. “No wonder it was raffled before the baseball glove. I didn’t realize I was getting the crappy, runner-up prize. I bet the guy that was in charge of GE was fired for those decisions.”
When MacKinnon was informed that CEOs were heavily compensated, even when they made bad decisions, and received large sums of money when they were ousted from their leadership positions, the 10-year-old had a complete meltdown.
“No way,” the kid screamed. “When I get home, I’m slapping my parents. Why couldn’t they be a CEO?”
MacKinnon was later teased at school so badly, his parents were forced to address the situation publicly.
“We’ve decided that the teasing and taunting is just too much and we will relinquish the stock,” said Mark MacKinnon, Jimmy’s father. “As Japanese organizing consultant, Marie Kondo, would advise us, we are going tidy things up by thanking GE before completely discarding it.”
The stock certificates were last seen at a neighborhood yard sale. Jimmy MacKinnon was compensated for the loss of stock with a box of baseball cards.