Company Replaces All Supervisors with German Shepherds
SAN FRANCISO – Ryan Broadwell, Senior Vice President for Digitech, Inc., had a light bulb moment while watching news of the successful US Special Operations mission to take down ISIS leader, Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi. What captured Broadwell’s attention were the actions of Conan, the heroic SpecOps service dog.
“That dog is amazing. Even the President praised the dog,” said Broadwell. “Is there nothing a German Shepherd can’t do?”
Immediately afterwards, Broadwell made the command decision to eliminate all of his front line supervisors and replace them with former military service dogs.
“In general, employees don’t really like their supervisors and management is always looking to reduce headcount and increase span of control, so this is a win-win all the way around,” said Broadwell with 2 Belgian Malinois poised at his side.
However, many employees disagreed with Broadwell’s assessment.
“Maybe I didn’t like my former supervisor micromanaging me all the time, but at least he never tried to eat my face off,” said an employee who spoke to us on condition that she remain anonymous. “I was just a few minutes late coming back from break, and oh, sweet Jesus, 80 lbs. of teeth and fur started clocking toward me at 35 MPH. I didn’t think I was going to make it to my desk. Now, it just sits all day and stares at me.”
“I can’t talk right now, I’m working,” said another employee, before whispering, “I’m so scared. Please help me.”
“Sure, our lawsuits have increased, but our productivity has sky rocketed,” Broadwell said. “Next month we’re replacing the entire expense management team with pit bulls. I can’t wait to see what happens to our compliance rates.”