British Grocery Chain Tries to Cash in on Thanksgiving with Ill-Fated “Colonial Cottage Pie”

Just for Fun

By In Weekly Email 2 minute read time

PLYMOUTH, MA – The British are coming!  At least, that’s what the food retail market thought when British grocery giant, Tesco, announced they were opening stores in the US with food delivery options that would eventually compete with Amazon.  Unfortunately, the initial launch for the Brits has been a bit of an embarrassment as they tried to replace the traditional Thanksgiving turkey dinner with something they called Colonial Cottage Pie, which contains mostly venison and raw vegetables. According to the tagline on the package, Tesco was hoping Americans would, “enjoy a real Thanksgiving meal the way your Calvinist, peasant ancestors did.” 

“I don’t know why everyone is so miffed,” said Nigel Ward, a spokesperson for the company.  “Look, the only reason why you had a Thanksgiving is because we ran your ancestors out 4 centuries ago.”

Many American consumers reacted the same way as their forefathers by dumping the British import.

“I don’t understand this,” said marketing analyst, Roger Tisdale.  “We did thorough research on what the Pilgrims ate.  It’s amazing that Americans can dominate the world without taking a glance at Wikipedia to learn some of their own history.”

Still, representatives for Tesco were undeterred and vowed to keep their foothold on the other side of the Atlantic.

“Not only did you start an insurrection many years ago but you’ve now put hundreds of Wal-Marts in our country,” said Ward.  “So, I think you owe us one.”

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Written by Jay

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