Company Chooses CEO Based on Candidate’s LinkedIn Profile as an ‘Experienced, Results-Oriented Executive’

Just for Fun

By In Weekly Email 2 minute read time

CINCINATTI – Porrada Supply Systems, a multinational supply chain company, recently found its new CEO on the social media platform LinkedIn.  Damon Prescott, the new head of Porrada, has formerly held positions as college intern, accounts payable analyst, and manager of Arby’s on Winston Road.   

Jermaine Greenwood, Director of Corporate Recruiting, was ecstatic about the company’s newest addition.

“I can’t believe we found this guy,” he told reporters.  “It’s amazing no one else found him first.  Not only is Mr. Prescott a result-oriented executive but he’s also a creative disruptor.  Can you believe it?  What are the odds of finding someone with that skill on LinkedIn?”

Despite Greenwood’s enthusiasm, others seemed less optimistic.  However, the new CEO appeared confident he could win over the skeptics.

“I’m so excited.  This has exceeded my wildest expectations,” Prescott said.  “My peers laughed when I spent $5,000 on a consultant to rewrite my LinkedIn profile.  Who’s laughing now?  I’m sure this job is like any other.  I’ll go through some training and figure the rest of the stuff out as I go.”

“Mr. Prescott is going to do great,” said Greenwood.  “As his profile states, he’s a motivated and passionate management guru that’s also a tech savvy strategy ninja. He’s a perfect fit for the role.  We didn’t even interview him because he was so clearly ahead of the pack.  His profile was written in the third person, so you know someone else felt that strongly to write something like that.  I was afraid that if we didn’t immediately extend an offer, some other Fortune 500 company would snatch him as their next CEO.”     

It should be noted that Greenwood was raised Amish and only recently discovered the internet. 

“Did you know that you can insert these little smiley faces and things into your emails?” Greenwood asked.  “It’s amazing.  What will they think of next?”

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Written by Jay


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